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Football
Tony's Tip Sheet
By Tony Gerdeman

There's nothing like waiting until the sun goes down to find a good game on a college football Saturday. What a waste. There are virtually no good games during the afternoon this, and with the Buckeyes off, there are going to be a lot of men forced to do stuff that they've been putting off for about seven weeks now. It's just not fair.

You know it's bad when the ACC and the Big XII games are the best things going during the day. That's not America. That's not even Mexico!

So there's a whole bunch of nothing this week and what you're going to be reading shortly is even more nothing, but then that's why you came here, isn't it?

Now that I've lowered your expectations, prepare to have them met!

Thursday October

Teams: UCLA (3-3) at Arizona (1-5)
Time (TV): 9:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Who cares

To borrow a line from Norm MacDonald, Happy Birthday, Thursday. I hope you like crap! Arizona has lost eight straight conference games. Their head coach was fired earlier in the week and they're only a little bit more messed up than UCLA. Watching this game is not advisable. It should come with a list of warnings, like “Warning: May induce hatred of all things ever. If hatred does not subside after four hours, consult your physician.” Arizona 34 – UCLA 24

Friday October 21

Teams: #15 West Virginia (5-1) at Syracuse (4-2)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: West Virginia

We're cheering for West Virginia because there's no harm in doing it. Plus, have you met the type of people that the Syracuse area of New York produces? It's like the Jersey Shore for people who have never seen the sun. Both teams had the week off to prepare for this game. I'm guessing Syracuse took that time seriously. West Virginia was probably sitting in a kiddie pool drinking beers all week, though admittedly that does carry a “when in Rome vibe” considering where this game is being played. West Virginia 37 – Syracuse 20

Teams: Rutgers (5-1) at Louisville (2-4)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Louisville

Here's a matchup between two teams that can't run the ball. That's always entertaining. I'll spare you my thought process in picking this game, but let's just say that it's pretty intense and well-researched. I'm taking Louisville because Rutgers' 5-1 record is absolutely no indication of how bad this team actually is. Louisville 23 – Rutgers 20

Saturday October 22

Teams: #4 Oklahoma State (6-0) at Missouri (3-3)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (FX)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Oklahoma State

This is one of the best games of the day, so even though I've got us rooting for Oklahoma State, I'll actually be rooting for a good game instead. We need something to occupy us during the noon games because I'm not sure Illinois at Purdue is gonna do it. Missouri held up well against Oklahoma a couple of weeks ago, so maybe they can do it against the Pokes as well. There has to be an upset somewhere, and this might actually be the game that makes the most sense. (Not that it actually makes much sense.) Oklahoma State 41 – Missouri 31

Teams: North Carolina (5-2) at #7 Clemson (7-0)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 3
Cheer For: Clemson

We're cheering for Clemson because they're our second team this year. After all, Tiger quarterback Tajh Boyd was once a silent commit to Ohio State, and Buckeye fans have been known for their 'Single White Female' levels of infatuation with all things Scarlet and Gray, and Boyd certainly falls into that psychosis. So tomorrow sometime let's all go get our hair cut like Boyd and place a superfluous “h” at the end of our first names in preparation for the game this weekend. This won't be an easy game for our Clemson Tigers, however. Last week they flirted with a loss at Maryland before storming back. North Carolina is talented enough to capitalize on such a flirtation this week, but don't worry, Boyd and freshman receiver Sammy Watkins will save us. Clemson 35 – North Carolina 21

Teams: #23 Illinois (6-1) at Purdue (3-3)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: Purdue

The Boilermakers actually came pretty close to winning at Penn State last week (they lost 23-18), so that means they should be able to beat Ron Zook in their own stadium. However, now that The Zookening has finally taken place, Zook will once again fade into the background and allow his able assistants to keep him from totally ruining everything for a few more weeks. Even the absence of Zook might not be enough if the Illini can't stop the running game. Purdue has been able to run the ball pretty well despite an average passing game. Everything is pointing to an Illinois loss, but I'm gonna re-establish my faith in Nathan Scheelhaase and take the Illini in this one. Illinois 28 – Purdue 24

Teams: #11 Kansas State (6-0) at Kansas (2-4)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (FSN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Kansas State

Bill Snyder is 14-1 in his last 15 meetings against Kansas. That's pretty impressive. At least it would be if beating Kansas meant anything. Heck, I once beat Kansas by accident while visiting a family friend. It's a long story but it ended with Mark Mangino throwing a half-eaten pig at me. Kansas State 24 – Kansas 13

Teams: Indiana (1-6) at Iowa (4-2)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Indiana

We're cheering for Indiana because even orphans deserve a family dinner every now and again. Plus, Iowa losses could move the Buckeyes up the bowl ladder. Of course none of that will come into play in this game because Indiana is terrible and this whole preview has been a waste and a ruse. I hope you kept your receipt. Iowa 41 – Indiana 14

Teams: Cincinnati (5-1) at USF (4-2)
Time (TV): 12:00 pm (Gameplan)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: USF

This actually looks like a pretty important Big East game. I almost feel obligated to talk about it. The Bearcats are 1-0 on conference play, so they'll need a win here to keep pace with Rutgers—provided Rutgers doesn't lose on Friday night. Can you imagine needing to get a win in order to keep pace with Rutgers? Wouldn't you re-examine your life at that moment and decide that maybe it's time to grow up? Maybe you shouldn't have eaten all that lead paint off of that porch back in the summer of '87. Writing that threatening letter to the sheriff probably wasn't a good idea either, especially since you signed your name out of habit. Face it, you have been a spectacular failure to this point. Struggling to keep pace with Rutgers? Just give up already. As a game-related aside, Cincinnati running back Isaiah Pead has a great game every other game (averaging 157.7 yards rushing per game), and a bad game every other game (50.3 yards rushing per game). This week he is scheduled for a bad game. Keep that in mind when you pick this game. Also, if you are picking this game, seek help. You have a problem. Cincinnati 30 – USF 28

Teams: #20 Auburn (5-2) at #1 LSU (7-0)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (CBS)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: LSU

Clint Moseley is going to get his first career start for Auburn this week against LSU's defense. Gene Chizik must've found out that Moseley was dating his daughter or something. What a cruel fate that awaits young Mr. Moseley. This isn't something that you would do to your worst enemy. Buckeye fans wouldn't even do it to Joe Bauserman! This is gonna be bad. LSU 38 – Auburn 7

Teams: #13 Nebraska (5-1) at Minnesota (1-5)
Time (TV): 3:30 pm (ABC/ESPN2)
Interest: 1
Cheer For: Minnesota

While the move to the Big Ten has had some growing pains for Nebraska, they should feel a little more at home this weekend as they play the Big Ten's version of Iowa State. Minnesota is terrible. They are 109th in the nation in points scored and 109 in points given up. Purdue beat them by four touchdowns last week and Michigan beat them 58-0 the week before that. Everything about the Jerry Kill Era has been a spectacular failure—which is probably still a step up from the Tim Brewster Era. Nebraska 37 – Minnesota 10

Teams: #21 Penn State (6-1) at Northwestern (2-4)
Time (TV): 7:00 pm (BTN)
Interest: 3.5
Cheer For: Northwestern

Northwestern has lost four in a row and comes into this game with an 0-3 Big Ten record. Penn State comes into this game having won five in a row playing a schedule that would embarrass even the most Bielema-ian of men. They have wins over Temple, Indiana and Purdue in that span, and none of those wins have been by more than six points. This is absolutely a game that Northwestern should win, but “a game that Northwestern should win” is a phrase that doesn't really exist under Pat Fitzgerald. That being said, this is absolutely a game that Northwestern should win. Northwestern 20 – Penn State 13

Teams: Tennessee (3-3) at #2 Alabama (7-0)
Time (TV): 7:15 pm (ESPN2)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Alabama

Poor Tennessee. They have to go to Alabama and face the Crimson Tide without military backing. Heck, they won't even be able to bring their smellhounds with them, and the worst news of all—with Tyler Bray still out with an injury, they'll be forced to start a Simms at quarterback! Oh noes!Alabama 35 – Tennessee 7

Teams: USC (5-1) at Notre Dame (4-2)
Time (TV): 7:30 pm (NBC)
Interest: 2.5
Cheer For: USC

Remember when people cared about this game? Notre Dame fans used to say that this was the best rivalry in college football. Now all it's known for is the 'Bush Push' and giving Charlie Weis a lifetime contract for losing a game. That's an amazing legacy, Notre Dame. Who knows, maybe one day you can also hire a high school coach, or maybe fire a coach for lying on his resume. You're so lucky USC sucks right now. Notre Dame 35 – USC 27

Teams: #25 Washington (5-1) at #8 Stanford (6-0)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 1.5
Cheer For: Stanford

Did you know that Washington was ranked? Neither did I! I love to learn new things. I've been watching the Science channel a lot now because I finally got an HD television. I learn stuff on there every day. I can't remember any of it now, but it's interesting at the time. This game is actually a pretty good matchup between quarterbacks. Everybody knows about Stanford's Andrew Luck (18 touchdown passes, three interceptions), but Washington's Keith Price has actually thrown three more touchdown passes than Luck and just one more interception. The Huskies' offense should be able to put some points on the board, but the Cardinal will be able to outscore them considering Washington is allowing 28.5 points per game on the season. Stanford 38 – Washington 21

Teams: Texas Tech (4-2) at #3 Oklahoma (6-0)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ABC)
Interest: 2
Cheer For: Oklahoma

Blowout city, population Texas Tech. I think it's pretty clear that everything is setting up for Bob Stoops to “choke” once again, and this season it will come against either Oklahoma State or Alabama. Either way it will be extremely painful. The Red Raiders will score some points, but never enough to be in the game in the fourth quarter. Oklahoma 49 – Texas Tech 27

Teams: #6 Wisconsin (6-0) at #16 Michigan State (5-1)
Time (TV): 8:00 pm (ESPN)
Interest: 5
Cheer For: Michigan State

We're cheering for the Spartans because we need Wisconsin to finish with two losses—with one of them being against Ohio State—if the Buckeyes are going to get to the Big Ten Championship Game (yes, we're actually thinking about that old thing again). We are finally going to see just how good Michigan State's defense is. They will be tested on every snap, and this game could hinge on just one or two big plays. I'm not overly convinced the Spartans are going to be able to do much on offense, which will put even more pressure on their defense. This will be the second breathing opponent for Wisconsin this season, with the first being Nebraska whom they dispatched to the tune of 48-17 a few weeks ago. I'm going to be taking the Badgers this season until they tell me not to. Wisconsin 30 – Michigan State 21

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